Friends?

So apparently I'm not allowed to have opposing opinions nor am I allowed to support my opinion. I try oh so hard to be polite and such and people just outright mock me and basically spit in my face (figuratively).

 At Jake's I asked a couple people whom I thought I could count on to help me out... big mistake they said they would help but they didn't. They were there a lot but they did nothing but sit and take breaks. Even when I knew one of them had a 30 minute break  as opposed to my 5 minute one, I went out to relieve people so they could take a 10 minute break. The no people that read this are probably asking  "what's the relevance of this now?" Let me continue....

At a MASH bash I was asked to set up about 20 chairs so people could sit and eat. So I asked the same 2 guys.... and again they said "Sure" and did nothing. Ok this got on my nerves a bit but oh well you know? Over the course of time I noticed less and less respect from these so called "friends" Today, they got pissed off because they said something I disagree with and began mocking me. Normally I'm not bothered by this, but because they did it to belittle me and not simply for humor, that's wrong. If i wasn't trying to be nice and polite I would've called one of them out for being jealous that the girl he cares oh so much about doesn't like him and the other I would've said that he is mad the his ex girlfriend he was hoping of getting back together with has a boyfriend. I didn't, I held my tongue and held the shame of being ridiculed regardless of my own quick wit.

Maybe I'm being childish and immature... oh well who cares.

The "nice" thing

Is a lot harder than it sounds. I'm finding it's easier to be nice to the girls i know and people I don't really know that well than it is to be nice to my dude friends. I don't know, i guess around the guys I'm more me or I'm trying to be someone they like better. It's most likely the latter but who knows. As far as the people that i've been nice to it seems I have better relationships with more people now, at least 2 of them are better, that I know for sure. One we talked kind of but that was me trying to flirt and such and then I sjust started being nicer and not caring about getting a girlfriend. And the other we stopped arguing simply because I am now not trying to always be right. So I guess it works? sort of? Maybe I need to try a little bit harder with everyone.

Self Searching?

So i have been seldf searching I guess. I have been doing a lot of thinking... mainly about that whole confidence thing and the confidence thing kind of goes hand in hand with the whole douche bag thing I do. The whole sreason I started acting like a douche bag is because i thought that people liked them. They seem to have the most friends, girls and fun. But then my friends noticed that I had no confidence so I was just pretending to be a douche bag so they startred calling me a pushover. not recently, they've been doing that for a while. The whole douche bag thing is just a lame wall I've built so that people would like me. It's obviously not working since I've only had like 2 girlfriends and I am in college now. So I need to find me and I figured, well, the douche bag thing isn't working so I think I'll try being super nice, maybe then I won't be a pushover but a stepover. A push is involuntary movement, whereas a step is voluntary.

I'm not doing this whole nice thing to a few certain people for a girlfriend, that's really not my motivation, my motivation is to get back to that nice guy that doesn't make people feel bad. I dunno it's really hard to change. Today was my first day of trying and it was a bad day to start. For one thing I am running on about 5 hours sleep and working 14 hour days, my nerves were short but I (hopefully) didn't make anyone feel bad and I hope people noticed a slight change in attitude.

I preached tonight

jake's fireworks

Come by jakes on 12th/sooner and indian hills road near norman. I'll be working there a lot. in the past 2 days I've been there for 37 hours so i might be there  if you show up. If I know you or something I'll give you the hook up. I'm tired.